He slowly
walked up to the podium and turned to the audience. With a trembling voice he
began the most difficult speech of his life. “How do you sum up the life of the
most wonderful, caring, giving, compassionate, beautiful man I've ever had the
honor and privilege of knowing in just a few minutes?” He turned and glanced at
the lifeless figure lying in the coffin. "He gave more of himself than
anyone I've ever known, and I.....I....miss him....so very much..." The
tears made it impossible to continue the eulogy. The minister jumped to his
side and helped him to his seat, then concluded the funeral. At the gravesite
after the service, he began again. "I would like to do something
different. Rather than the traditional service, I would like to do a ritual I
read in one of Marion Zimmer Bradley's Darkover novels." He had already
discussed it with the family, who really liked the idea. He stepped up to the
coffin.
"I remember the first time we
kissed. We ran into each other in the Rainbow & Triangles Bar and started
playing darts. I tripped over the mat and he caught me and held me tight until
I regained my footing. He looked deep into my eyes then kissed me on the cheek,
then on the lips. It sent shivers down my spine. Let that memory lighten
grief." He took a handful of dirt and threw it onto the coffin. One by one
each person shared a fond memory of him, said the ritual words then threw a
handful of dirt on the coffin.
Later, back at the house, several
people approached him and told him how beautiful the ritual was, how much he
would have liked it, and how it made them feel just a little bit better. "I
can't go on like this. I don't want to live without him. This time Doctor Foster
can't perform a magic trick and bring us back together. Kyle's gone for good,
and I'll never forgive myself. I broke my promise to him. I didn't protect him.
I don't deserve to live.” Before anyone realized his intent, he grabbed a knife
off the counter and stabbed himself in the heart. As he slid to the floor, his
last thought was "I'm coming, Kyle. We'll soon be together for all
eternity."
"Jayson!
Jay!" Tommy cried as he shook him, but to no avail. Jay was gone.
“Jay! Wake
up." Doctor Foster shook him roughly.
He awoke with a start. "Oh. Doctor
Foster. I just had the most horrible dream. Kyle committed suicide over what
had happened in bed between us, then after the funeral I couldn't live without
him so I stabbed myself in the heart and died so we could be together."
The words came out in a rush.
"Relax,
Jay. It was just a dream."
"Doc,
I have to ask, but I'm scared. Is Kyle…" He faltered.
"Kyle is very much alive. He's
sedated for the moment, and will be on suicide watch for the next twenty-four
to forty-eight hours. Then we'll get to work on undoing the damage. What in
hell ever possessed you that you would try to penetrate him when you knew he
wasn’t ready for that yet?"
"It
wasn't like that, Doc." He then proceeded to explain the events of the
evening.
"So
basically it was Kyle who initiated things."
"Yes and no. Like I said, he
didn't want to sleep in the bed alone and was feeling very guilty about not
being able to take care of my sexual needs. He's the type of person that can
sense other's needs and does what he can to help them fill those needs which is
probably why he’s a teacher. I wouldn't be surprised if he knew exactly how
many times I had to whack off in the bathroom so I wouldn't try to have sex
with him, which is the most wonderful experience in the world. Everything was
fine up until the point where we started wrestling and I ended up on top of
him. Did you know he was an NCAA national champion wrestler in college?"
"No,
I didn't."
"Yeah, since the only wrestling
I ever did was in high school phys ed, I was surprised that I was able to pin
him down like that, even though that was never my intention. It was almost as
if he wanted me to."
"It wouldn't surprise me that on
some unconscious level, he did. He's told me a number of times how much he
missed making love to you and couldn't wait to resume having sex with you. Once
I asked him what was so special about it and" Doctor Foster blushed
furiously "he went into very graphic detail about the sex act
itself."
Jay's face turned as red as Doctor
Foster's. "Kyle's some sex machine. He's insatiable sometimes. I swear he
could wear out a mechanical bull." He said, laughing.
“He pretty
much said the same about you.”
A nurse
walked up. "Doctor Foster, Kyle Matthews is awake and asking for
you."
"Thank you Nurse. Jay, I'll talk
with you later. Go home and get some rest and I'll call you after I've talked
with him."
"Okay.
Thanks Doc. We can't thank you enough for everything."
"Oh,
wait until you get my bill."
"You
may have to take it out in trade." Jay teased.
"Nah, I don't think my wife
would appreciate it." He teased back. "Now, get the hell out of here.
"Okay,
Doc. I'll talk to you later."
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